An international relationship can look like a romantic movie, but how is it actually? This post is a look into an international or multicultural relationship. The pros and cons, challenges and the fun part, from a person who experienced it.
A relationship is something that needs attention and work from both parties. It is not easy. An international relationship is an adventure. It is something you have to work on hard. But if there is love, nothing is in the way. With this type of a relationship a question comes up, what are you willing to do for your partner and what are you willing to sacrifice?
The biggest challenge is the differences. You have a different culture, that means different habits, traditions, dating norms or different opinions. You have a different language. Can be that you have different expectations of each other or life in general. Then there are other aspects such as long distance, culture shock or high expectations and stereotypes. But we can’t focus only on the bad stuff.
There are plenty of good things. You learn about a new culture or a new language. You grow a lot. It makes you look at things from a different angle. You learn to appreciate the relationship or the person more. It opens up a whole new world. So let’s break it down.
Challenges
Every relationship goes through some challenges. Nobody is perfect and we are not living in a fairytale. The challenges an international couple faces are bigger or there are more of them.
Cultural differences
The biggest challenge of all. If you are coming from two different countries or even continents there is a lot to process. You have to get used to another culture. They have different habits and values. It can go from small things to big ones.
Maybe you like to have a warm lunch while they eat a plain slice of bread with a piece of cheese, or you want to settle down and start a family while they are focused on their career first.
They might have different dating norms or expectations of their partner. In some countries men take care of the family, in others it goes 50/50. In any case you have to learn how to be patient and open minded. You have to appreciate each other’s traditions and not look down on anything.
Big difference is also in healthcare and education. They can take the seriousness of the situation differently than you.
You might run to the doctor with a little cough and a sore throat but they continue working even if they have a fever.
The level of education differs from country to country. The school system might be different, and the importance of a college degree can be lower or higher.
Language barrier
You might have a common language to speak but if it’s not your native language there comes a struggle. You might speak it fluently but you can never express yourself as well as you wish for. Every language has its slang or jokes that you would like to share but you can’t.
Let’s say you are telling a story but you just don’t know that one word. That one word that makes you stop, think and pull out your phone and translate it. Then, by any chance the translation doesn’t make sense and you have to describe what you mean like it’s a game of charades.
Learning your partner’s native language can be a challenge itself, luckily we have google translate and online courses. You have to have a strong will and time but if you do, it shows the other that you are serious and devoted.
Long distance
Some couples have to struggle with long distance. Whether it’s 2 hours or 10, it takes away the time you could spend together. You are stuck to the phone, it makes communication even harder, not to mention that intimacy turns into a dream. You have to give up a lot of time and money to meet for some time and then accept that you have to miss each other again. You have to learn to be patient and have trust in each other. And the worst part is if you have a time difference. This can lead to sleepless nights and having even less time for each other.
Figuring out the future
If you come from two different countries, you have to think about where you will live. One of you has to give up everything and move or both of you give up everything and move. This makes you miss your family and friends. There’s a lot of paperwork and again money and time passing by.
You can have a different opinion about the future that can lead to disagreements. Here comes back to the game the different cultures and values. Do you want to settle down, travel the world, focus on the family, focus on your career?
Culture shock
Depending on how different your cultures are it can lead to a culture shock. Sometimes understanding the other’s culture can be difficult. You can have higher or different expectations. It can also happen because you believe in the stereotype that lives in your mind. This again brings us to open mindedness and respect. At first glance it may shock you but keep your heart and mind open and it may surprise you.
Pros and cons
Every relationship has its pluses and minuses. We are people, everyone is different and happens something that comes in the way. So if you are here looking for an answer as to whether it’s worth it to start a relationship with someone abroad, here are some pros and cons.
Pros
- You get a taste of another culture, learn a lot about another culture and a language.
- You have a lot of fun. The differences can sometimes be a complication but a lot of jokes can come up on the way. Mixing two cultures brings up a lot of funny experiences.
- Learning a new language can be boring, but if you do it with your partner it can be a lot of fun. It can be considered as spending quality time together.
- You get to travel more. You get to see the origins of your partner. Maybe you gain confidence to travel more or figure out you like traveling and exploring.
- You grow a lot. You have to learn how to be more patient and open minded. You get to explore a new culture or a language. You have to stay brave and often fight through obstacles that come on the way. It makes you a stronger person.
- With a long distance, you get to appreciate each other more when you meet in person.
- You possibly find the love of your life and get to throw the most epic wedding ever.
Cons
- Long distance is the biggest minus. You miss each other for a long time. The time difference can be in the way as well. This is making it very difficult.
- You get a lot of doubts. You might start thinking that it’s not worth it, that you are too different or that it’s not gonna work out. It may seem sometimes as time wasting or heartbreaking.
- Visas, paperwork or citizenships. A lot of time and money might be spent on this.
- A lot of arguments and disagreements. Every couple sometimes disagrees on something. A multicultural couple can have those disagreements more because of the differences between the cultures.
- Read more about the Long distance relationships
Tips
And finally, here are some little tips. Keep in mind I’m not an expert. Something different can work for everyone. This is just some basics.
- Be open minded and respectful. Listen to each other and respect each other’s cultures and values. Talk about problems and find compromises.
- Show respect to your partner’s family and friends. Learn something about their traditions, it gets a lot of appreciation.
- Especially with a long distance find time for each other. Find ways to get to know each other better and spend some quality time together.
- Reassure each other that you are there for one another. Trust is very important in a relationship. It can be sometimes tricky to have trust in a long distance relationship.
- Learn about each other and your cultures and traditions. It can be a lot of fun. You can play games, tell stories, listen to some music, cook together some national dishes or visit places that mean a lot.
- Don’t have too high expectations and don’t trust the stereotype. A lot of people believe in those stereotypes they see in the media. Most of the people are not like that and you can not expect that everything is gonna count on every foreign person you meet.
- Enjoy it. Your differences are the main plot of your story. It creates a lot of fun memories and stories. You become the interesting couple. So why not make the best out of it.
Of course every couple is different. Some have it harder than the others. This doesn’t mean that having a multicultural relationship is harder than an ordinary one. You have to face challenges and as in every relationship, you should do it together. I think having such a relationship is really special and enriching. You learn a lot and grow a lot. Maybe you get to know yourself better and figure out what you like and dislike. And at the end of the day, love, passion, support and happiness is what matters the most in every relationship.