Since the post about an international relationship was so popular I decided to write a post about long distance. As a person who is in an international long distance relationship and making it work, here is my point of view, tips and opinions. Disclaimer: I am not an expert, these are just my experiences.
What is it?
A long distance relationship is a relationship between two people that live in different places, countries or continents. It is difficult to meet each other and the key of this relationship is communication. This relationship might be very challenging. Despite its ups and downs it can become the best relationship worth all the struggle.
Does it work?
Yes. A long distance relationship can work the same or even better than an ordinary relationship. If you and your partner are dedicated to making things work there is absolutely no problem.
How to make it work
Here are some of the key points to how to make the long distance relationship work. These are just some basics you might see everywhere but they are important.
Trust
You can’t be in a long distance relationship without trust. In general trust is an important part of every relationship. Not knowing where your partner is, with who they are meeting or what they are feeling while you are far away and have no control over the situation can be challenging. In these cases often insecurities come and this might cause many fights and problems.
Communication
This is the no. 1 rule of long distance. It’s very important to communicate regularly and always find time for each other. At the end there’s nothing else left for you, it’s the only way to be close. If there is any problem you have to talk it through. It’s important to talk about your feelings, thoughts and insecurities. Even if you don’t feel like talking you have to communicate with your partner. Communication builds trust. When you are long distance you can’t just run away and hide, hanging up is not a solution and you can’t just hug or kiss a problem away. It’s important to let each other know where you’re at with your thoughts. Talking about your day, experiences, memories or gossip can bring you closer. When you figure out how to communicate and solve problems when you are long distance you won’t have a problem when you’ll be together. Communication will become your strength.
Listening
As important as it is to talk, it is to listen. When you are in a relationship you want to be heard. Nobody wants to have a feeling that they are talking to a wall. Communicating and listening come hand in hand. It’s important to give your partner time to talk about anything they need while you are listening and trying to understand. Like this you will get to know your partner better and it shows that you care.
Understanding
After communicating and listening, understanding comes on the scene. We as human beings want to have a feeling of fitting in and being understood when having a problem. Understanding plays a big role in a relationship and it’s also something that’s often missing. There are differences between mens and womens ways of thinking and feeling, even tho it’s difficult sometimes to understand each other, the important thing is to try. When your partner is upset, they might not need solutions, just a bit of understanding.
Plans and goals
Making plans and setting goals together is giving your relationship a future and making it more real even when you are far. Especially planning your meetings or future can bring you so much joy and something to look forward to. Being long distance is difficult but while you are waiting for your future together, you can make it more enjoyable and start planning it out. Setting goals is also important. It can be small things like meeting for a few days or having a first real date to big stuff like moving in, traveling the world or getting rich together.
Quality time
Having enough quality time as a long distance couple can be difficult and that’s why it’s so important. Quality time can be anything from having a good talk to having a date, planning or doing some activity together. All of these things are possible also through a phone, you just have to be a bit creative.
Tips for quality time
Watch movies/series
If you had a long day and you just want to chill and relax but do it with your partner, you can watch something together. There are different apps where you can watch something at the same time while being on the camera. If that doesn’t work out for you (I had difficulties with that), you can just watch at the same time on a phone or a laptop. I facetime and watch series on my phone at the same time without a problem.
Play games
There are several games for couples and long distance couples. If you like to play games it’s a good way to spend time together and it can be a lot of fun.
Plan
Nothing is better than looking forward and planning the future with your partner. You can talk about your next meeting, future home, destinations you want to visit or your wedding or family. You can make bucket lists or vision boards that keep you reminded of your goals. It’s something that will keep you excited for the future and make the waiting a bit easier.
Go on dates
That you are long distance doesn’t mean you can’t plan dates together. Maybe you can’t be physically together but you can still do things together. While you have a facetime call you can do many things together. You can enjoy dinner, cook together, draw or read, go for a walk, work out, watch something, play games and so on. There are many many things you can do, be a bit creative.
Gift giving and surprises
It might be a bit more difficult to surprise your partner with something or give them a gift. If you have the address of your partner you can have things delivered for them, it might be food, flowers, any gift or maybe just their favorite snack. Anything can make their day better. If you are sending something through the post, make sure you know how the delivery works in their country. Happened to me that the package disappeared for a few weeks and then showed up out of nowhere. We both thought it’s gone for good but were pleasantly surprised.
If you don’t have money to spend on sending a delivery, you can come up with a creative idea. It can be a collage with photos, a playlist with your favorite songs, a drawing, picture or video, a poem or anything else that you come up with, at the end you know your partner the best.
Pros and cons or a long distance relationship
Obviously the biggest minus of the long distance relationship is the long distance. Not being able to be with your partner so often, not being able to be there in their highs and lows or missing intimacy. This relationship really tests your patience. You might doubt yourself or overthink if it’s worth it. Seeing each other might cost a lot of money and time on traveling. It is challenging mentally, you have to stay strong in many situations while you are missing your partner like crazy.
Altought here comes a big BUT.
It may end up as the best decision of your life. You learn to enjoy the smallest things. Your communication is gonna be on the top level. When you finally meet it’s gonna feel like the best time of your lives. When the ‘suffering’ ends and you finally get to live your lives together you will appreciate each other as nobody else. Long distance relationships are the strongest ones on the long run. When you figure out how to fix your problems through a phone, fixing it in real life is gonna be a lot easier. You get to see a new country, learn a new language or get to know a different culture. All of these things will move you forward in life and make you grow as a person. Also it might end up as the most epic love story of all time.
In the end love is the most important thing in every relationship. If you love each other long distance is not gonna be an obstacle. You have to be patient and committed but at the end you will be rewarded. I wouldn’t change anything about my relationship, I know it’s 100% worth it. At times it might be difficult but I know there’s a whole future waiting for me with a perfect person.
- Read more about International relationships